My heart has beating a bit faster since I got the call early this morning that Norah could be coming today… I’m about to head over to the hospital to wait the arrival of this sweet little one who has had quite the journey…Bianca didn’t have time before she left so I am posting on her behalf…it seems so fitting to post on the day of this little girl’s arrival.
As I await the arrival of baby Norah, I cannot help but feel butterflies well up inside of me. So many unknowns, fears, hopes and dreams…and what a vulnerable and beautiful time this is!
My mantra for 2016 is “I am enough.”
I think after years of infertility, negative pregnancy test after negative pregnancy test, miscarriages amid a deep yearning for motherhood…somewhere along the line I developed this fear that perhaps I wasn’t able to have babies and children because I was somehow unworthy or unfit for motherhood. This deep and irrational fear began to develop in my heart despite my logical mind that would try to convince myself otherwise. And as we get closer and closer to this baby Norah’s due date, I have been praying for help to feel and to know that I AM ENOUGH. I might sometimes have greasy hair and wear my pajamas all day…but I AM ENOUGH. I may not have finished writing and sending out thank you cards, but I AM ENOUGH. I might have postponed graduate school and am not “working” full time right now, but I AM ENOUGH. I might have a sink full of dirty dishes and a huge pile of laundry that needs to be put away, but I AM ENOUGH. I may or may not have saggy and flabby skin in certain areas of my body as an aftermath of pregnancy, but I AM ENOUGH. I might sometimes try to wipe mascara off my face, only to find that those dark circles under my eyes are not smeared makeup, but actually just the result of quite a few restless nights, but I AM ENOUGH. I might not have an overly abundant milk supply, but I have tried my very best to provide for my babies, and I AM ENOUGH. I may sometimes lose my patience with a fussy baby, and pass her on to daddy so that I can breathe and have a moment to myself, and I AM ENOUGH! I am enough because I am truly doing the best I can with what I have. I am learning and growing and striving, and that is what counts.
Here’s to a beautiful year to come- one of growth and beauty and year full of developing a heart that is BECOMING even more like His.
With a heart full of gratitude,